What if I never got to tell you
by fourismydoctor
Summary: The Doctor and Sarah both have feelings for each other but wonder if they'll ever have the chance to confess. They worry the other will perish before their words come out...


They barely made it into the TARDIS in time before the entire priory went up in flames. They could hear minor explosions of flames over the hum of the TARDIS as it took off. Sarah held onto the console, clutching tight as she tried to catch her breath. She scowled at the Doctor as he laughed while adjusting the controls.

"OH how exhilarating!" He said with that nearly terrifying grin.

"What is?! She demanded "The fact that we nearly burned up along with the priory? I don't find that too amusing!"

"When you've escaped death as often as I have, it almost isn't terrifying any more. You just end up having a hearty laugh to override the shear terror!

Sarah shot him a look of haughty derision and rolled her eyes. The TARDIS had stabilized so she was able to let go of the console and move freely without toppling to the ground.

"Well I don't know about you, but I could certainly use a shower, as well as a nice change of clothes." She said as she began to make her way to the corridor.

When she reached the doorway she jumped slightly when she heard the Doctor's voice, which she wasn't expecting. He doesn't often, if at all, respond to small talk.

"You know Sarah, that dress is very flattering on you. You look quite lovely in it." He said, all while not looking up from the controls.

She turned back towards him and he lifted his head a few seconds and shot her a little smile and lowered his head again. She smiled back, even though he couldn't see her face. She was glad he couldn't because her face had turned a brilliant shade of red. She turned quick to head down the corridor to the bathroom.

She started the shower, allowing the water to warm up. She stripped her clothing and stepped in under the warm water. The best part about going on these adventures are definitely the showers afterwards. Usually she took this alone time to recap all that happened during the day, wondering how either of them managed to make it out alive. This time it was different though. She kept playing every word the Doctor just said to her over and over in her head. Did it mean anything? Did he feel bad for saying nothing to her earlier in the day? Was it his way of releasing any fear he had hidden inside him? Or did he feel the same way about her that she's felt about him since his recent reincarnation.

When she first met his predecessor, she saw him as a father figure, since he was so much older than her. Since his reincarnation her feelings had changed. She didn't see him as a father figure anymore. Sure, he wasn't what most women would go crazy for, but to her, he was very attractive. She couldn't quite pinpoint it. Was is those gorgeous blue eyes, the locks of curly brown hair that fell into his face, the way it felt when he held her hand when they were running from the enemy? All she knew was she wanted more than just a friendship. She wanted an intimate relationship with him more than anything. She murmured "I love you" under her breath but jumped when the water suddenly jolted to scolding hot for a second. The water did that sometimes and you never knew when it would happen. She finished her shower as usual, washing her face and delicate skin from her neck down to her toes. Then she massaged her shampoo into her mass of thick brown hair and rinsed it out.

She turned the water off, jumped out and grabbed her towel. She ran the towel along her body and then through her hair. She looked down and realized she had not brought a change of clothes into the bathroom as she usually did, not even a dressing gown. She rubbed the towel through her hair one more time before she wrapped it around her body to travel a few doors down to her room. She felt awkward in just her towel as she reached for the knob. She was usually very modest in the way she dressed, and now was entering into the hall only half covered.

She opened the door and as she stepped out she was quickly met with the Doctor nearly bumping right into her. She jumped and gasped, nearly dropping her towel out of her grasp she had around the top.

"I'm dreadfully sorry Sarah, I didn't mean to frighten you." He said while letting out a small awkward laugh.

"It's quite alright, no harm done." She said as she looked up at him. Luckily the lighting didn't allow for him to see the red glow return to her face, or so she thought. "I'm awfully tired. I think I'm going to head right to bed."

"Alright, I'll see you bright and early Sarah Jane, good night." He said as he shifted passed her and headed towards the control room. She turned to watch him walk down the corridor until he was nearly out of sight. "Good night" She said back, knowing he had not even heard her say it. She headed on back to her room and shut the door. She pushed her back against the door and looked up towards the ceiling, even though all she could she was utter darkness. She took a deep breath and exhaled and flicked the light on. Her bed suddenly looked so comfortable and she couldn't wait to get under the covers.

He tried to focus on setting the coordinates for tomorrow's new adventure, but his mind was foggy. His mind was never foggy, at least, not until he met sweet Sarah Jane. He often found himself thinking about her. He loved her small innocent smile, the way her luscious brown hair that fell around her shoulders; her tiny body was so beautiful, even though he'd never seen her out of clothes…until tonight. She thought the lighting was too dim, but she keeps forgetting just how excellent his vision really is. He saw her clearly. He saw the water drips that came down off her hair and fell slowly down her chest and disappear at the edge of the towel. He saw her cheeks flush but he didn't quite know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Day after day, they face such terrifying encounters. He has to hide his fear from Sarah. If she knew he was just as scared sometimes, she'd never make it out alive. He knew she could hold her own, but did she really know that? Some days he hated himself for seeming so distant. She asks for complements and he pretends he didn't hear her, yet all he wants to do is confess his feelings to her and tell her how she might just be the most beautiful women he ever laid eyes on. After nearly losing her today, as well as himself to the powers of Sutekh, the feelings easily flowed forward, when he finally complemented her. Yet he was too embarrassed to look up at her as he said it. Could she ever feel the same way about him? She was human and he was alien, two different worlds brought together. He knew he had a grin that was enough to make anyone think he needed to be psychologically evaluated. Though humans and time lords see beauty in different ways, he had to wonder what she thought of his appearance.

He shook himself out of this mind set, knowing he had to finish setting the coordinates and make a few small repairs before morning. He let a small yawn escape his mouth. He usually could go without sleep for days. He figured having sleep two days in a row couldn't hurt.

The next few hours passed by quickly as he finished the last of repairs to the console. He got up off the floor and stretched. He patted the console as he headed back to his room. "Goodnight ol' girl" He said as the lights dimmed and he headed down the corridor. He reached his room, removed his boots and socks and flopped down on the bed. He closed his eyes and prepared for some needed sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. He lay in his bed for what must have been an hour, if not more. He tossed and turned and couldn't get comfortable. He wondered if Sarah would still be awake. Maybe he could finally express his true feelings in some way, without making a fool of himself. He just needed to say something to her, if anything at all. He readjusted his clothing and scarf around his neck, leaving his shoes on the floor where they were; he took a deep breath and began his journey to her room.

Sarah thought she was tired but obviously not, since all she could do for the past three hours was toss and turn across her bed. Her mind was running wild and it wouldn't stop. She whispered shut up to herself hoping it would do anything, anything at all to get herself to sleep. She had heard him tinkering in the console room and curse a few times when something dropped or didn't go right. She even heard his soft footsteps go past her room; really wishing he'd just stop and come in. She was let down when she had heard the footsteps continue on and the sound of his door shutting could be heard. More time had passed since she heard his door shut and she was starting to get frustrated.

She had just shifted onto her stomach with her arms under the pillow and felt comfortable for the first time in hours. She let her eyes fall shut and next thing she knew there was a knock at the door. Her heart nearly pounded out of her chest and her eyes shot wide open.

"Sarah?" He asked softly "Are you asleep?"

"No" She said back "Come on in"

She shifted in the bed but didn't sit up from her comfortable position; she didn't want to lose it after all this hassle.

He came in quietly and shut the door behind him. He shifted in towards her and ended up standing there awkwardly, not knowing where to go from there.

She sighed, reached up and turned on the light and they both winced. "Have a seat" She said with a gentle smile. He took a seat on the edge of her bed about 2 feet away from her face.

"Are you sure you weren't asleep? I feel terrible if I woke you from your slumber" He said with a serious but quiet tone.

"No you haven't woken me. I haven't even fallen asleep myself. I've been laying here for hours" She sat up against her pillow and drew her knees up to her chest.

He seemed anxious about something. He sure wasn't being himself as he sat there fidgeting with his hands.

What's wrong Doctor?" she asked "Is everything alright?"

He didn't answer right away; just sighed, like he was trying to find his words. She reached to touch his arm and he jumped. He obviously wasn't expecting the touch and turned to look at her with a startled face, searching hers for reason. Her expression looked hurt and she drew back her hand. His face softened and he chuckled. "I'm sorry Sarah, just on edge, nothing you did my dear" She smiled back and this time reached her hand out to touch his.

"You're a lovely girl, Sarah Jane" He finally said. He looked at her with such a loving expression. She melted instantly and the color rose in her cheeks again as she smiled.

"Do you really think so?" She asked cheerfully

"Of course I do, my constant and wonderful companion. You're a strong woman but yet so sweet and caring. I don't tell you enough just how much I truly admire you and someday I worry you won't be there and I will have never said it." His voice quivered as if he was holding back tears.

She let go of his hand and he felt the cold air come back. He watched her scoot away a bit and patted the bed; taking a reclining position, propping herself up on her left elbow "Come, lay down beside me"

He lay back willingly and took a deep breath as his head hit the pillow. Sarah moved close again and reached her hand up to run through his thick curls to sooth him in some way. She saw his expression instantly relax. He let a smile rise on his face as he shut his eyes.

"Now don't you go talking about such negative things. I'm alive, right here and now and that's what matters in this moment. Sure, we face danger that others will never face, but here we are, alive and well. I too fear that some days I won't ever see you again and that thought tears me up inside, but here you are too. We can both hold our own. You're a time lord and I'm a damn stubborn woman. Now bury those thoughts away in that impossibly vast mind of yours." She said confidently and leaned in to plant a loving kiss on his temple. That simple kiss sent a spark all the way down his spine that he had never felt before.

Her hand moved down to run along his cheek "I love you" She whispered, suddenly realizing she admitted it right to him, not in secret and both their eyes shot open wide.

"You love me Sarah?" He asked but not alarmed and terrified like she expected. He looked relieved to hear it, which calmed her nerves drastically.

"Yes I do, and I have for some time. I've loved you since I first met you in your old body. I loved you as a father then…now…I love you as a young woman loves another young man…" She looked up while her face was still facing down.

"May I kiss you Sarah Jane?" He asked as he turned his body to face hers. He touched his left hand to her face and brought his face close to hers. She met her lips to his before he could even continue to move in. He held her face tight as they continued the kiss. Her hands came up and held onto his scarf. The kiss was gentle and new and she loved the way he tasted.

They pulled away out of breath "I've wanted to kiss you for so long my sweet Sarah…I've longed for this" With that his left arm left her face and wrapped around her waist and around to her back and he held her close. He held her like he's wanted to after they barley escape with their lives from any encounter. He planted sweet kisses on her forehead while he drew circles on her back. She muffled something against his scarf and he pulled back slightly "I was going to ask if you love me too, but I think I got my answer" she said looking up into his eyes with a smirk.

He chuckled and let his massive grin show "Yes, I love you Sarah Jane…MY Sarah Jane" and he leaned in to plant another kiss on her soft and sweet lips. They laid like that for a while, just holding each other, the biggest relief they've had in a long time. It was as if they melted into each other, a perfect fit. Their nerves faded away as warm met chilled, making the perfect temperature.

"Doctor?" Sarah finally asked. "Hrmm?" He pulled away to look at her

"Doctor…do you have…I mean can…you…is there…..erm…" she struggled for words but just couldn't find ones that made enough sense.

"Do I have all of the necessary "parts" for love making? Yes, I do. It has been a while since I've made love to someone, but I can remember a few of the steps, I think" She looked up shocked, realizing he read her mind and knew exactly what she was trying to ask.

She smiled with relief "I've wanted you for a long time Doctor" she said slowly pulling his scarf away from him. "And I've wanted you too Sarah" He said while looking into her eyes. His eyes seemed to have grown darker, all from lust. He let his hand fall from her waist, grabbing the blanket as he did so. His hand ran down her thigh slowly. When the blanket was pulled down far enough he could see her night gown had ridden up along her hip. He could see the exposed soft skin of her thigh and he licked his lips.

He drew invisible zigzags and circles along that skin as he leaned in to kiss her lips. Sarah let small gasps and moans escape into his mouth and he found the chance to allow his tongue to go into her mouth. Their tongues twirled together for what seemed like hours until Sarah took action. She lifted herself up, causing him to turn onto his back so she was straddling him. She smiled down at him and leaned in for a kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck, suggesting he sit up when she pulled back.

She finished pulling off his scarf and tossed it gently on the floor. She grabbed at his coat collar and pulled it down over his shoulders. He helped her by moving his arms out of the coat and that too was soon on the floor. Next came his vest and his white shirt, all tumbling onto the floor. Once his chest was bare she quickly moved her hands to run through the shorts tufts of hair along his upper chest, running each hand along his nipples. He hissed at the touch and grabbed for her hips, holding her tight, almost tight enough to leave bruises. She attacked him with kisses up along his neck and around to his cheek and back to his lips. They were both lust hungry.

She lifted herself off of him, fumbled with his belt but quickly got it undone, as well as the button on his trousers and the zipper, pulling them down as fast as she could, with his help. All that were left were his boxers which came off in seconds.

She stared down at her doctor as she came back to straddle him again. "Mmm you're very hard Doctor" she said as she allowed her hips to inch closer. His hips bucked up…she was so close. His eyes darted back up to hers "Sarah, I think we have a bit of a problem".

"We do?" She asked, shifting her weight closer but yet so out of reach.

"You have far too many clothes on my love" He whispered as he sat back up to grab the hem of her night gown to swiftly lift it over her head. He eyed her breasts once they were exposed. They seemed so perfect. He brought his hands up to grab at each, palming them in circles, which made her moan as her head fell back. He looked further down her body and back up at her eyes with a grin "Such a naughty little girl, not wearing knickers to bed". He trailed his hand down her stomach and down further to run through the curls between her legs. His thumb coasted down and brushed against her clit a few times, achingly slow.

She grabbed a handful of curls behind his head and he gasped. It hurt a bit, but not a hurt he minded at all. His thumb went down further, sliding between her lips "Oh Sarah Jane, you're very wet. Is that all for me?" he asked, his voice deep, as he slid his thumb inside her. "Ohhh yes Doctor" she managed to whisper between moans. His thumb didn't last inside long before he pulled it out. She looked up at him as he slid his thumb between his lips to suck her juices off of him "Mmmm you taste very sweet, like a jelly baby" and he grinned as he pulled his thumb from his mouth. Sarah went to let out a giggle but was cut short when he attached his mouth to her left breast, kneading the right with his hand.

His tongue went in circles around her hardened nipple and then took it in his mouth to suck for a few seconds, then switched to the right nipple and her back arched up. She felt like she couldn't even breathe. That was when she moved her left arm down in between them to grab for his cock which was definitely in need of some touch. She grabbed it firmly, using an up and down motion from base to tip, squeezing slightly when she reached the head. His mouth moved away from her breast and he moaned at the touch and kept moaning with each pull of her hand. He too soon felt like he wasn't able to breathe.

"Ohh Sarah, how are you soo….mmmmm…good at this…ahhh" He moaned breathlessly against her but there was only so much he could take before he had to have more of her. With one swift motion she was underneath him and he was back to kissing her on the lips and down her neck…her collarbone, back to her breasts, down her stomach and dipped his tongue into her belly button. She was going crazy with all of this licking and kissing down her body. He looked up at her "Sarah, I want to taste more of you" and before she could say anything back his face was between her legs, kissing her inner thighs and licking his way down to her core.

She spread her legs as far as she could for him and gasped when she felt his tongue along the sides of her lips. He loved teasing her, hearing her panting when he got close and hearing the loss in her voice when he moved away. She let out a breathless "Doctor…." When he moved away and he decided she'd had enough teasing. With that his tongue finally met the place that called for attention. His tongue circled her bud that was slowly swelling with each twirl. He could feel her shaking and shifting for the best spots to feel the most impact. When she looked down at him all she could see was a mess of curls and his nose against her skin. He looked up and made eye contact with her while he brought her closer and closer to orgasm. He just knew he didn't want to get her that far.

He lifted his head and he crawled up her body. Her face looked like she was in pain as she panted "Doctor, I need you so ba…" and his lips attached to hers, allowing her to taste herself, which actually wasn't so bad at all. "Sarah, I have never wanted to be inside a woman so badly before" He said with a face that showed nothing but want and need. She smiled at him and nodded as she wrapped her legs around him. "Make love to me Doctor".

He positioned himself in between her legs and began to push inside her. They both let out sighs of relief as he pushed in as far as he could go. "Oh Doctor, you're so big" She breathed against his ear. He pulled back to look at her and appeared worried "I'm not hurting you am I?" She pulled him in for a kiss. "Not at all; this has never felt so right" She smiled at him and the worry in his face disappeared. He began thrusting into her, slow at first. She pulled her legs back as far as she could, allowing him to have the best access.

"You feel so good Sarah Ja….ohhh" He moaned as his thrusts picked up pace "You're so warm, my sweet, I don't want this to end" and he leaned in to kiss her passionately. She had her arms wrapped around his neck, letting a hand up into his mass of curls. It had been a long time since either of them had sex, most likely longer for the Doctor. However, it almost felt like the first time for both of them. Sarah could feel her orgasm coming faster than she wanted. No matter what she did, she felt those familiar knots tying in her stomach. "Doctor, I'm so close, please…faster…oh please" He was more than willing to quicken his pace, all to please his love. He wanted her to feel absolute bliss.

She held onto him for dear life, like nothing else mattered in that moment. Her shaking increased and her grip on him was so tight, her knuckles had turned white. "Ohhh Doctorrr ohhhh!" she screamed his name over and over as she came hard. His lips were on hers as she struggled to breathe. She rode off the waves of pleasure coursing through her body. He allowed his pace to pick up again once her shaking had subsided and she whispered sweet words into his ear. "Cum for me Doctor, I want to feel you" he couldn't last much longer for he was now the one shaking with need to finish. "Ohhh Sarah!" he yelled as he finished inside her. He continued to let out breathless moans as his waves died out. After he was finished, he shifted his weight so he wasn't squishing her when he fell against her. They lay there like that for a while, her hands running through his hair and then down his back, which made him shiver. She loved the feeling of his warm breaths against her neck and feeling his heart beats slowly return to normal.

After he recovered he pulled out and rolled over beside her, taking her with him. He held her so close to him. They held each other close, like they had wanted to for so long. Sarah suddenly spoke, without him having to ask "It was everything I thought it would be and more, Doctor". He smiled so big against her cheek and lifted her close to kiss her sweet lips. "I'm more than glad that I was able to please you, my Sarah Jane."

Sarah yawned and nuzzled against him. "You must be so tired my dear Sarah, would you like me to leave so you can rest? He asked lazily

"No, please stay." She looked up at him with sad brown eyes

"I could never say no to you my sweet girl" He whispered lovingly as he ran his fingers through her hair "You go on and rest now. I shan't be going anywhere" and he placed a final kiss on her full lips.

She soon felt herself drifting off and her touch loosened around him. He continued to massage her back, even though she had been asleep for a while. He felt his eyes getting heavy after a while and he was glad for it. The sooner he fell asleep the sooner he could wake up and see her again. He reached behind him and turned the light off and settled down for a well deserved rest.

Sarah awoke much later. She figured it must be morning now. She looked up to find the Doctor's face not far from hers. He still had his arms wrapped around her. She watched him as he slept and listened to his double heart beat. His face seemed peaceful, no harsh brow or serious face like usual. He seemed so calm and she smiled at her sleeping man. She leaned in and planted a kiss on his lips and put her hand up to his cheek.

His eyes fluttered open and he was met with her lovely brown eyes. He smiled while stretching himself out slightly. "Good morning my dear girl" he said before giving her a kiss "Did you sleep well?"

"Oh yes Doctor, the best sleep I've had in some time"

"Excellent because we've sure got a busy day ahead of us. We best get ready!" He said with that giant grin and she laughed. They shared one more kiss before they jumped out of bed to get ready for the day. They knew they truly had each other now.


End file.
